I generally always do things the hard way and backwards, with never enough time to get it right, most times doing every step thrice as a result. I abhor to RTFM* – because where’s the sport in that?

That was certainly the case with this charity thrift shop, jigsaw puzzle like, build-it-yourself kid’s ukulele kit project. For ages 14 – 104 and reputed to take an hour and a half to assemble. This seems unlikely but probably 14 year olds and centenarians are brighter these days.

These educational building kits come from a monthly subscription of $30, from Eureka Crate, Kiwi Company. I paid $8 USD, and no tax because it was a charity shop find.

My heart sank when I opened the box at home though; no instruction book. Oh, well, can’t be any harder to finger out than IKEA shelf building or 3D chess, right?

Snapping together the fretboard sandwich was easy, and the string holder piece with the 4 tiny holes could only fit in one place. Top and bottom were obvious, and eventually the headstock pieces made sense to me.

Though the fit was too tight for the thin plastic washers to fit. And now it seems a bit loose so I hope the strings will stabilize it. I’ll probably unscrew it once more, try again to get a plastic gasket in.

The sound box confused me because it does not fit a tab into a slot. The top and bottom pieces just clamp it in place when you tighten the perimeter post screws. I hoped all the pieces were included, since the instruction book was not. But everything else was there.

So I sort of slapped it together without building the box sides, needing 3 hands. Then I realized I needed to slip the edge of the uke top under the fretboard. Then I had to take it all apart again to put in the boards to make the box. Built 100% backwards.

I should have sewed the frets to the fretboard first thing. That alone would have taken me an hour and a half. When I put on the frets they seemed awfully loose. I thought, should I have bent them? When I turned the uke over they all fell on the floor.

That’s when I typed ‘kiwi kit ukulele instructions’ into my pal duck-duck-go. I discovered the fretboard sewing step I missed by finding a YouTube video and a website with pics of assembly. I should have known, the 1st step is always to sew on your frets. Tradition.

Not to mention I left out all 18 of the supplied tiny clear plastic washers, wondering vaguely ‘why all these tiny washers’? But not thinking it through. To prevent the top and bottom from rattling, you idiot. I said to myself.

So one more removal, reversal, and washering up of all posts since I put them in upside down and lacking washers. So that it looks like the picture, with screw heads on top, and it don’t buzz. My aching screwdriver wrist.

Kiwico’s complete and educational instruction book covers building it, tuning, playing tips, music, and a primer on the ukulele, wish I’d seen it IRL. But I enjoyed the mystery build, too. Until the frets all fell off.

I am not rebuilding the kit again to sew on frets. I hate sewing. I’ll try Elmer’s glue on the fret ends, I use it on everything. Hard to see how such nano scale frets can even work, probably need 14 year old fingers (or 104).

So yes, it took this 73 year old all evening to build, maybe 3 hours. But in my defense, I had no instructions, and not even a picture. It would be lots faster to build if someone had the book.

But it was more fun to do it my usual backward method. And the 14 and 104 year olds I know would have taken 2 hours at least.

It was a fun, frustrating at times, project. I tune everything to EADG, like a bass, and I’m unsure if the Kiwi’s fret spacing will even work on a ukulele tuned like a bass.

But I’ll find out when I figure out how to tie the strings to it. Being an Army vet and not a Navy vet, I only know the square knot (granny knot). So I’ll probably try that.

If I can’t play bass riffs on it – about all I know how to play – I’ll sell or donate it. It’s mighty cute though: the lure of the miniature.

*Read the Fucking Manual

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