Craig Newmark did me and the world a big favor when he invented Craigslist way back when. Thousands of us use it to look for goods and services, and to dispose of unwanted items in exchange for real cash money, the only important thing here in the post-morality, post-ethics USA.

Always free to use and with zero ads, Craig supports all those servers and coders by charging only for employment advertisements for San Francisco. Lucky us.

But as always IRL people are the flies in the ointment and the sand in the KY jelly. On Craigslist the usual human propensity for scamming, lying, cheating and general foulness appears, behooving buyers and sellers to maintain their situational awareness, use prudence and caution, and generally keep their heads out of their asses.

Now I’ve been scammed on Craigslist before, despite trying to follow my own advice, because I’m old and therefore considered weak minded, a good target for the creeps. And I’m always credulous and often a soft touch for the evil minded. But that’s OK, it’s only fucking money and I can usually afford it.

How these miscreants live with themselves and sleep at night mystifies me, probably bad parenting and failure to teach how to act correctly. But thieves and footpads do abound here in half fascist, hopefully post Trumpite America, so keep your head on a swivel.

The lesser but more abundant form of Craigslist jerkism are the tire-kickers, low-ballers and, worst of all, the no-shows. Last week I took in almost $300 in a yardsale, which is pretty tedious work primarily because you have be there eight hours to man the tables lest the inventory suffers shrinkage; and to collect those sweet sweet greenback Amero simoleons without which US human life is not possible.

Tire-kickers are only mildly annoying, hanging around asking questions or asking for pics online with little or no intention of opening their wallets. Low-ballers are one step up in annoying since they will usually point out trivial flaws in your stuff, tell you where they can buy the same thing only better somewhere else, then offer you a pittance to kindly take the item off your hands.

My dentist made me give up cannabis smoking or jeopardize my tooth implant (‘dry socket’, yikes!) so I had a small, high quality water pipe on my sale table. I’d bought it a few months back for $65 and rarely used it because it was difficult to modulate the smoke intake.

The customer says ‘how much?’ I say $30, a fair price since used things here in the oligarch owned United States normally sell for 40% – 60% of the new price – if you’re lucky as a seller. And if she’d offered me $25 I’d have taken it and been happy and she could be wrecking her lungs right now. She pulled her hand back like the pipe was hot, sniffed, and said ‘I’ll give you five dollars for it’.

I smiled and looked away, not wanting to risk losing the sale of the mason jars her hubby was checking out, to hold his reefer. Such is the life of the salespeep, eating shit with a smile. But $5 is $5, and you need it to buy food.

But worst are the no-shows. ‘What time can I come see your gizmo?’ One o’clock I email back. I then suspend whatever I’d planned to do and wait. And wait some more. By 3:00 it is evident that the supposed buyer had changed their mind, bought the thing elsewhere or it had all been a funny joke.

And never, no, never, does the no-show email me to say they are not coming after all, and sorry about that. Oh, well.

But I just smile again because that’s the price you pay to use Craigslist, and you can tell from the pics that when it works, it works. What else are you going to do with a no longer wanted thing, donate it to the charity shops or to your hoarder friend? Just remember, it only takes one customer with cash in hand. Good luck.

Unless noted, all text and images by todgermanica.com.