Hug Your Slug


I just sent the following email (snailmail-ha, ha) to the officials and judges of the announced SacSnailDerby via CL;
“To whom it may concern:
Before I send money I need to know if big yellow Humboldt or Leopard slugs are barred from the derby. Because, peep, some of mine are fast as fleas, almost! Fast for an invertebrate like that. But I don’t want to spend all that dough (ha, ha, dough-I spend tons on snail/slug meal [as you’d imagine] which, as you know, is mostly what SlugChow consists of) to register and then they just say, like at all those other snail races,
‘…look it up, meathead, shelled gastropod- where’s the shell?’
“Anyhoo…just thought I’d have my say. Don’t flag please, I still might enter that leopard spotted one that moves like elderly lightening. I call her Franny. She’d win if the dumb judges admitted that slugs are the faster and really better gastropod.
“Of these farm and forest slimers, some are beautiful in our native redwood forests, while others are tasty food for French people. And otherwise they are only a common garden pest. You be the judge. OK I’ve had my say. Do your worst, automated russbots. Signed,

[Post update: The russbots win again; this humor post was ‘flagged’ and removed from Craigslist within two hours either from offended CL viewers (russbot server farms in occupied Crimea) or from mysterious and opaque Craigslist flag/remove algorithms.

Or else the powerful snail racing syndicate is suppressing competition again.]

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